I dunno, man. I kinda see the world where signing Harper secures Trout over the long haul. I know I am being blatantly optimistic here but there has to be at least one reality in which Bryce walks into a room with Arte, Ausmus, Billy Eps, and Trout. The conversation goes a little something like this

[The Angels team seated at a conference table. Bryce Harper sits down. Arte is asleep.]

Bryce: I want all the money.
Billy Boy: All the money?
Trout: What about my money?
Billy Boy: We will get you your money. Just hear me out.

[Eppler tosses a giant bag of Starbursts on the table. The sound startles Arte awake]

BH & MT: SWEET, STARBURSTS!

Trouty: ARE THEY ALL PINK ONES?!

Billy Boy: You bet your sweet WAR they are. [Harper and Trout high five so hard Arte falls out of his chair]

Arte: Whoopsie doodles. Hey, can I have a staburster too?

Ausmus: No.

Billy Boy: Look, we sign you both and we have a 2/3 combo for the ages. Don’t even get me started on adding Ohtani to the mix. Structure your deal to be a little more forgiving over the next two years with until old Albatross Pujols is off the books and then enjoy wealth beyond your wildest dreams, oh and all the starbursts you can shake a bat at.

[Harper’s brow furrows as he considers. He shovels a handful of starbusts into his mouth, wrappers still on. Chews. Swallows]

Bryce: Throw in a lifetime supply of Axe body spray and you got yourself a deal.

[Arte raises his hand]

Arte: High five, my dude!

Everyone but Arte and Bryce: ARTE! Noooooooooo!

[Bryce high fives Arte so hard he vaporizes. No one seems to care]

Billy: Trouty, you in?

Trouty: Hell yeah.

[Freeze as everyone jumps with victorious fist pumps. Your the best around plays as we fade to black]

I can TOTALLY see this happening…am I right or am. I. right?


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